I am noticing a pattern here. I am always changing and my faith is always growing. Lately, I have been reminded of my (many) shortcomings and I am thankful for seasons to examine my heart and soul.
I have a love/hate relationship with social media. I just ended 6-months of being unplugged from Instagram and it was a much needed break. But now I am back on, I like it. I like keeping up with friends. But [honesty alert!] for me, I struggle with feelings of it being self-indulgent and self-promoting. I get caught up in the likes, the follows and if it is even relevant, if I am relevant. My life ain’t perfect, the living abroad thing ain’t perfect, my relationships nope, and the things I decide to post they aren’t either.
The purpose of having a blog is to help me be more intentional about reflecting on our life experiences and the months that pass too quickly. I like the creative platform that a blog provides, a space for me to work on recipes and show my enthusiasm for healthy living and cooking. Posting things ‘on time’, more regularly, or even interesting, can create a bit of anxiety for me. Which is silly. Like really. My anxiety levels do nothing to make me feel more productive, more organised, more relevant… nothing. It just robs me of my current joy. Alas, my April rambling.
It is a delicate balance to find and difficult to let go of trying to make a good impression on other people all of the time. When I finally decided to let go a little bit, I found a bit of freedom from the self-focused life Evelyn Underhill describes: “We mostly spend our lives conjugating three verbs: to want, to have and to do. Craving, clutching and fussing, we are kept in perpetual unrest.” Quite simply, it is part of our sinful nature. When we die to self, we are no longer obsessed with self. I am perpetually putting my hope in a God who redeems, restores, makes new and reminds me that perfection is not the standard. Oh bless my heart, we were not made for being in a perpetual state of unrest, discontent and comparing ourselves all the time.
But thanks be to God, I am always learning, growing and I have come to depend on new mercies. Every. Single. Day.
Amen that our worth is not dependent on our popularity or cool factor. What lasts are the words that we speak, the way that we treat others and how well we love. We can be so harsh, so cruel to our own souls. May we be reminded that we are wonderfully capable, braver than we know and that we are enough. Even when it feels like we are not.
April brought us an incredible road trip to the Highlands with old friends, link here. We have been wanting to make it north since we moved here and I am so happy that it finally happened! Ryan has been in Tubingen, Germany for a month now. He spends most of his time doing research, going to German seminar and treating himself to the occasional treat at Dunkin Donuts. At times, I ache for him to be here but we have both experienced some very real grace moments during this time apart. Spring is in full swing in Edinburgh, cherry blossoms, full green trees and mild-blue-sky days. The warmer weather seems to be making the distance a bit more tolerable. I can feel my Vitamin D and dopamine levels skyrocket, makes such a difference.
- Good friends change everything
- Sitting in the sun and looking for signs of Spring helps my spirit
- Pray even when I do not have the words, turn that anxiety into anticipation
- Guacamole fixes most things
- Sarah McMillan + Spotify [Acoustic Coffee] on repeat
And now… May is happening. I love May. This week I attended a Garden Party at Buckingham Palace, playing dress up has been a unique experience with all the amazing British hats around here! I will post more about this special event next month. We are also anticipating a special visit from my Oma! She will visit Edinburgh for a few days and then we will meet Ryan for a train trip from Germany to Croatia. There have been many May celebrations, birthday’s and Mother’s Day fun that we have relied on Face Time for recently – heartfelt wishes to our friends and family back home, we miss you!
May you have a beautiful week and thanks for doing life with us.
R + A